Stealing

So, I've got a lot going on and I feel like I'm seeing connections to different areas in my life that are being pieced together. To start off I'm reading 'i am no but i know I AM' by Louie Giglio. and the book is all about I AM how God is and we are not. He's everything and we're nothing. But He wants to make us into something by living and working in and through us. One big section I noticed that really wasn't that big, but had really deep roots in my heart is at the end of page 23 and it says " But God also is in touch with just how potent He is, desiring to do huge, God-sized things through you if you're ready to abandon the path of making more of self and embrace the miracle of being small, yet knowing His name." Now, my thoughts are, when rewritten to fit the theme, how will this be provided, where will provisions for these amazing things come from? Duh answer I know, but I'm thickheaded and slow sometimes. So, this is all running through my head and at work Saturday I write this in my Journal

"Exodus 8 A Plague of Frogs: Then the Lord said to Moses, “Go back to Pharaoh and announce to him, ‘This is what the Lord says: Let my people go, so they can worship me. If you refuse to let them go, I will send a plague of frogs across your entire land. The Nile River will swarm with frogs. They will come up out of the river and into your palace, even into your bedroom and onto your bed! They will enter the houses of your officials and your people. They will even jump into your ovens and your kneading bowls. Frogs will jump on you, your people, and all your officials.’”

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Tell Aaron, ‘Raise the staff in your hand over all the rivers, canals, and ponds of Egypt, and bring up frogs over all the land.’” So Aaron raised his hand over the waters of Egypt, and frogs came up and covered the whole land! But the magicians were able to do the same thing with their magic. They, too, caused frogs to come up on the land of Egypt.

Then Pharaoh summoned Moses and Aaron and begged, “Plead with the Lord to take the frogs away from me and my people. I will let your people go, so they can offer sacrifices to the Lord.”

“You set the time!” Moses replied. “Tell me when you want me to pray for you, your officials, and your people. Then you and your houses will be rid of the frogs. They will remain only in the Nile River.”

“Do it tomorrow,” Pharaoh said.

“All right,” Moses replied, “it will be as you have said. Then you will know that there is no one like the Lord our God. The frogs will leave you and your houses, your officials, and your people. They will remain only in the Nile River.”

So Moses and Aaron left Pharaoh’s palace, and Moses cried out to the Lord about the frogs he had inflicted on Pharaoh. And the Lord did just what Moses had predicted. The frogs in the houses, the courtyards, and the fields all died. The Egyptians piled them into great heaps, and a terrible stench filled the land. But when Pharaoh saw that relief had come, he became stubborn. He refused to listen to Moses and Aaron, just as the Lord had predicted.

A Plague of Gnats: So the Lord said to Moses, “Tell Aaron, ‘Raise your staff and strike the ground. The dust will turn into swarms of gnats throughout the land of Egypt.’” So Moses and Aaron did just as the Lord had commanded them. When Aaron raised his hand and struck the ground with his staff, gnats infested the entire land, covering the Egyptians and their animals. All the dust in the land of Egypt turned into gnats. Pharaoh’s magicians tried to do the same thing with their secret arts, but this time they failed. And the gnats covered everyone, people and animals alike.

“This is the finger of God!” the magicians exclaimed to Pharaoh. But Pharaoh’s heart remained hard. He wouldn’t listen to them, just as the Lord had predicted.

A Plague of Flies: Then the Lord told Moses, “Get up early in the morning and stand in Pharaoh’s way as he goes down to the river. Say to him, ‘This is what the Lord says: Let my people go, so they can worship me. If you refuse, then I will send swarms of flies on you, your officials, your people, and all the houses. The Egyptian homes will be filled with flies, and the ground will be covered with them. But this time I will spare the region of Goshen, where my people live. No flies will be found there. Then you will know that I am the Lord and that I am present even in the heart of your land. I will make a clear distinction between my people and your people. This miraculous sign will happen tomorrow.’”

And the Lord did just as he had said. A thick swarm of flies filled Pharaoh’s palace and the houses of his officials. The whole land of Egypt was thrown into chaos by the flies.

Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron. “All right! Go ahead and offer sacrifices to your God,” he said. “But do it here in this land.”

But Moses replied, “That wouldn’t be right. The Egyptians detest the sacrifices that we offer to the Lord our God. Look, if we offer our sacrifices here where the Egyptians can see us, they will stone us. We must take a three-day trip into the wilderness to offer sacrifices to the Lord our God, just as he has commanded us.”

“All right, go ahead,” Pharaoh replied. “I will let you go into the wilderness to offer sacrifices to the Lord your God. But don’t go too far away. Now hurry and pray for me.”

Moses answered, “As soon as I leave you, I will pray to the Lord, and tomorrow the swarms of flies will disappear from you and your officials and all your people. But I am warning you, Pharaoh, don’t lie to us again and refuse to let the people go to sacrifice to the Lord.”

So Moses left Pharaoh’s palace and pleaded with the Lord to remove all the flies. And the Lord did as Moses asked and caused the swarms of flies to disappear from Pharaoh, his officials, and his people. Not a single fly remained. But Pharaoh again became stubborn and refused to let the people go. "

I was reading in Exodus 8 and I noticed a repeated theme in Pharaoh. He would do anything in order to be rid of a plague. How often do we live the same way? when we, in a moment of trial, promise God anything in order to relieve our suffering and then we forget that promise when the time does come that we're relieved. I want to take this as a warning, to be true to my promises and be careful of my quick desire to be free of suffering. If I am going to promise something, I want to with the intention of keeping it, not as a quick fix that I will forget as quick as it was made. Now, in John 6:1-15

"Jesus Feeds Five Thousand: After this, Jesus crossed over to the far side of the Sea of Galilee, also known as the Sea of Tiberias. A huge crowd kept following him wherever he went, because they saw his miraculous signs as he healed the sick. Then Jesus climbed a hill and sat down with his disciples around him. (It was nearly time for the Jewish Passover celebration.) Jesus soon saw a huge crowd of people coming to look for him. Turning to Philip, he asked, “Where can we buy bread to feed all these people?” He was testing Philip, for he already knew what he was going to do.

Philip replied, “Even if we worked for months, we wouldn’t have enough money to feed them!”

Then Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up. “There’s a young boy here with five barley loaves and two fish. But what good is that with this huge crowd?”

“Tell everyone to sit down,” Jesus said. So they all sat down on the grassy slopes. (The men alone numbered about 5,000.) Then Jesus took the loaves, gave thanks to God, and distributed them to the people. Afterward he did the same with the fish. And they all ate as much as they wanted. After everyone was full, Jesus told his disciples, “Now gather the leftovers, so that nothing is wasted.”So they picked up the pieces and filled twelve baskets with scraps left by the people who had eaten from the five barley loaves.

When the people saw him do this miraculous sign, they exclaimed, “Surely, he is the Prophet we have been expecting!” When Jesus saw that they were ready to force him to be their king, he slipped away into the hills by himself."

Jesus has fed five thousand men and their families, He saw their need and He provided for it. Pharaoh was given a reason to need to be freed from the plagues so that he could rule supreme, God fulfilled that need but Pharaoh dropped his end when the burden was lifted.
God gives us needs and "impossible" situations so that we will have the chance to run to him, so we can choose Christ and allow Him to provide for us like he Promises in John 6:22-59 (read yourself please before continuing. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%206:22-59&version=NLT )
But here He is promising to provide spiritual food rather than physical. As I read these passages I realize that it's more of Jesus planting seeds in the hearts of the disciples and prophesying of what was to come at the Last Supper, so that the followers of Christ could look back and say, this is what He was saying.
The bread and the cup are symbolic of the body and blood of Christ, so when Jesus says that those who eat of his body and drink of his blood, He's promised them eternal life and that promise is remade every time we partake of his body and his blood.

Now, see where my key words came in? I was wondering How and God provided this verse to say "I took care of 5,000 with a small boy willing to share his lunch, what more can I do with an entire LIFE devoted and surrendered to me." So, I've done that, surrendered my life to God, it's no longer mine. Well, my pastor was talking... yesterday ( just looked at the clock) and his sermon was on changing our focus and our desires because our focuses and desires effect the rest of our lives and are what truly guide us. but that wasn't what really hit me, it was when he said "I'm a dead man, this body, these clothes, the money I have, everything is really God's not mine." and I wrote this down on my notes.

This is not my body, clothes, my things. This is God's life. I need to surrender it to Him, cause I stole it from Him, I need to return what I have stolen.

After I surrender, every time I go and try to control my life and lay claim on "my" things, I'm stealing from God. I don't want to do that, heck, that realization makes my heart break and ache thinking of how many times I've stolen from God in the last week. This will be a life long process, of returning what I have stolen, and if I return what I have stolen, everything I need will be provided at it's proper time.

--

God Bless,
Mike
Isaiah 40:25-31

New Life

The thing I always heard over and over again was that whole "becoming a new creation" spill, but I never ever ever understood it. I thought it was like, as you go you become new. But that sounded to much like I had to earn what was given... it didn't match up. But in the last few days I've become a new creation... how? I honestly don't have a clue. I know what lead up to the point, but the point, that instant of becoming new, I don't know. I suddenly noticed, I'm at peace, I'm not bitter, I want to know Christ, I want to clean up my crap. This was what I know I did, I reached the point where I looked at God and said "I'm scared, but I want more then this. I want to become more then I am." That was my turning point, where I said "yes God, take me and change me." I didn't become perfect, but something changed inside. and the story goes on... A new life, so much to learn, to see.
I don't know exactly what I'm becoming, but I know it's better then what I was and I'm looking forward to the adventure...not of a life time, but of my life time, an adventure that started in 2004 in Phoenix, AZ, on the 28th of July. But it's taken me 5 years and many amazing people to truly find the path and begin walking. I will fall, but there are arms to catch and uplift me. A new day is dawning, and for that I do sing praise and give thanks to Him who created and sustains me, and saved me.

God bless you, and peace and righteous desire be in your heart.

Addiction

This is something I've spent years mulling over... and tonight it clicked, everything fell into place, if I need to be corrected on any of this, please tell me. I'm looking for truth, and I feel that this is a combination of truth that has lead me to my foundation of surrender, to giving my life, in all it's fullness to lay it on this, this rock that I feel is what God desired. Again, please, correct me if I am wrong in anyway.

The reason for the title is the fact that I struggle with addictions, which I believe I have mentioned on here before. So, now I lay my first block of breaking from addiction, which will lead to breaking down a wall, and laying my life upon the stone that is Christ. Read it... as though I'm talking, for that's how I am writing it.

It's different...harder...talki

ng about it and then, when the moment happens... Well, you not yourself... Not entirely. You have the choice... Well, I, being of Christ and covered in His blood, have my free will over the choice of sin. It sounds good... Simple even... But taking something from yourself that you've kept hidden, you take ownership of it, it becomes yours... And cutting the addiction, it's like cutting off a limb. But... More than that, because it's not a limb, to you it becomes... Your heart, or liver, or any vital organ that you cannot live without. It's something that gives you life... Like breathing air...
The only way then... To be rid of it, is to reject ownership, this does not belong to me, you sign the title off to someone else. But... Not another human, no, too weak, finite, easily swayed, tempted, tossed by the winds and waves of society and culture, even the views of trusted friends and family. No, not human. God, Christ, who already bore them, already paid for them. Willing and eager to sign the title and take ownership. Infinite, all powerful, only bound by His own laws to prove his purity and right to govern and rule as sovereign lord. He cannot be swayed by anything. Otherwise, we'd have no hope, nothing to stand on, faith and purpose would be meaningless. But, He can, He has, and He will govern, rule, defend, strengthen, teach, and guide those that surrender. The basics... Going back to the basics, evidence. Believing in the evidence... gravity...air... We can't see them, cannot truly capture them, but we see their effects on our world, on us, on our day to day lives. Believing in something, not because you see it, but because you have seen the evidence and truth of it's existence, not once, but over and over again daily in the lives of people and you've seen it change and empower and care for them in every area , you see the evidence. Believing in things not seen, but trusting on faith. There is a formula, but only because God is a god of order and there must be a pattern, otherwise everything falls out of place and there is chaos. But man has be trying ever since the fall to build his own formula, but it's always missing an element. God. Even when they try to add the "God-factor" they want it to be controlled and in their power. Thus, they fail. God is unpredictable, except when it comes to his law. He will never go against Himself, or His law. Why? Order. He made order in the first place, thus His order is best. Why? because He knows everything. Why? Cause He created it and thought of it first! The inventor is the only one that truly knows what the invention is for, and it's purpose. He gave us the current order to repair the damage caused by the fall. (Note: which was not the FIRST SIN, it was the FIRST HUMAN SIN. just making that clear. Satan fell before Woman, she wasn't named until after the fall, and Adam fell after woman. Whose fault? ALL THREE. They Chose. Just as we do.)
Jesus was both MAN and GOD and thus the damage which was caused was repaired by Christ because only a man can take the place of another man and Christ was both man and God so He could take the sins of an infinite number of men. Thus, God's law is not broken, but fulfilled. [This last section on the repair of the fall was inspired by Smooth Via in his Sermon "It's Not About You" http://www.takeajourney.org/sermons ]
This puts the choice back in our hands, the choice to follow God or reject Him.
All this is true, but... you can't claim it as truth if you just take my word on it, or repeat it. It's not truth unless it comes from God, if you say "Mike said..." then it may be truth, but you can't prove it cause it came from me. a sinful, finite person. But, if you take those words, and go back to scripture, and say "I want the truth about this..." then you've claimed it and taken responsibility for your own faith. If you don't like what you find, tough, it's still truth. Why? Cause it came from God, who is Truth in it's very essence. Once you truly claim and then accept this reality that what God says is truth, and can be trusted, then you hand it back to it's creator and say "Thank you, what shall I do with Your Truth, which You chose to reveal to me so as to make yourself known to one who couldn't have possibly have understood it on his own." then... comes listening, reading, prayer, being with Him, fellowship. The goal then becomes that His desires become ours, and serving becomes a joy, a privilege that we are given as a gift. It's not a job we are forced to do because He is God and deserves to be served, but a choice we make because we understand that He deserves to be served and we want to, because we love Him and know Him personally. As a wife serves her husband because she knows he deserves it in his position, not because the husband forces her with threats to hurt her. Neither does God trade with us, again the example of the marriage. A wife doesn't offer her body to trade for something she wants, but because she desires to care for her husband. We are the bride of Christ, he doesn't force us with threats, and we can't offer ourselves in payment to gain something for ourselves.
This I have decided is the foundation of my Relationship with Christ, My choice, His Gift, I was created to love and serve and work with Him to bring about a greater good then I have ever known.

Again. I am open to corrections or comments.

Sunday Christian

The beat is intense. Every strike of the drum makes your heart quicken. soon your blood is flying through your veins. Everything speeds up, your breath, your reactions, your vision is sharper, you're truly ready for anything.
Then suddenly... the drum stops, you blood freezes in your veins, and a dagger is stabbed deep into your heart... by your own hand.

This shocks, maybe even horrifies you to read, or maybe you're numb to it, I don't know.
But what I know is that I've done this, and maybe you have too. See, this is the Sunday Christian. Sunday they are fired up, ready to take on the world, but the alarm beeps on Monday morning and they're once again dead. They kill themselves spiritually. I know because I've been one of those, in fact... I was this this Sunday, except I didn't even make it past LUNCH! I killed myself quickly after... why? I'm not entirely sure, but I know it had to do with the fact that My Sunday image and my weekday image don't match up.

Now that I've realized this... I'm just going to keep doing it.

Wait, does that sound right? Oh, I've realized I keep taking the wrong medicine and am putting myself at great risk, so I'm just going to keep doing it. Oh, I just realized I'm on the edge of a deadly cliff, so I'm just going to keep walking. Oh, that round in the gun was a blank, I'm going to pull the trigger again.

Yes, I'm being sarcastic, in a attempt to make my POINT CLEAR!
I'm not going to continue killing myself weekly, I'm either going to always be dead of be completely alive. For you Sunday Christians that read this... what's your choice?
God Bless,

Battle Field

Breathing heavy... my body aches and cries for relief. The many wounds across my body... my legs begging to not have to hold my weight. My strength is failing... but I most continue. I cannot fall, I will not fail. I must fight as though the lives of a thousand souls rest in my hands, or the fate of the entire world might hinge on this final battle. The cries of this battle surround me, the grunts, the screams, the last dying-gasp. The field is awash with blood, I am covered in it. Will I fall here?

I see a brother fall, the dark ones surround him, laughing, poking, mocking him. Rage fills my entire being, I will not allow him to stand alone. I charge among the dark beings, and stand over my fallen brother, my battle cry roars a challenge to those who would dare to strike him down again.

Not far away another one falls, but his life has ended. The entire battle field is shaken, a massive light surrounds the one that fell. He's sacrifice helps to push them back, but I feel as though the battle might be lost today. Then I remember, I don't fight alone. I kneel beside my still fallen brother and scream out with my entire being "Father, deliver us! or give us the strength to fight! But to your glory be all!" Silence covers the field, as the Spirit of the Almighty comes onto the field, and the dark ones throw themselves before him in complete terror. I and my brothers and sisters fall too, but in awe and reverence. The dark ones flee at His glance, they know He is the master, they know they lost the war, and now they know they lost this battle. I present my sword to Him, but He fades. He has not left us alone, but we battle by faith and not by sight. We battle because we know the truth, because it is worth fighting for!
I pull my brother to his feet, and shove the sword into his hand. "Come on, we can rest when time has no meaning or if the master calls us home."

Repent

I had a moment tonight where I was... both at my lowest and highest point at the same time. I had reached a cross roads and I knew which road I should, needed, and wanted to take... but I was stubborn, resistant, selfish. I didn't want to take that road as much as I wanted to take it, so I stalemated. I knew that taking that road would and will continue to cost me. See, I have a p*rn addiction. *gaspz!* He said that in public! on the Internet! Yes, I think I've even said it before, and yes, my girlfriend does know about this, a lot of people do actually. It's a daily battle for me, and... in a battle you get wounded, you fall. I've fallen more times than I can count. But tonight, I had a realization, a revelation you might say.
I knew that this was a disgusting horrible addiction that needed to be dealt with and cut off, but that was like knowing STDS are bad but not knowing how bad so you continue sleeping around, until you have it and it's to late. Thankfully, My addiction can be defeated, and with Christ, and the support of my friends, I will.
I had this moment though, where I truly realize the impact it was having on me and how I viewed women, and even my girlfriend at times, and this realization broke me. I was talking to Carrie Ann when I had this realization and I told her I was sorry, she forgave me. Like she always does when I'm stupid. ( sometimes I think she's got enough grace to rival God, at least when it comes to me.) But she said something that caught my attention, she said "I forgive you. Now, don't dwell on it and move on. You've got some fighting to do." She had every right to rub it in, and let me feel miserable, let me wallow in my guilt and pain, but instead she pulled me up, and gave me a push. And I started thinking about this and I realized, God does the same thing, he wants us to realize what we've done, and to repent, but once we have we need to get up and keep walking, cause we don't have the luxury of all the time in the world, we don't know when our last moment will come, and I personally don't want to be eating dirt when mine comes.

I had a funny mental picture while I was talking to Carrie Ann, it was of me lying on a path, crying my eyes out, and there's God standing over me with His hand out saying "Gee Wiz, will you come on? You've said you're sorry how many times? Seriously, we've got ground to cover, so get up and move already." Now, some of you read that and it sounds like a drill Sargent and you cring, but think of it more like it's that friend, the one that just keeps going, that keeps pushing and pulling you to keep going, the Samwise that can't carry your ring but will carry you. God's not barking out orders just telling you to move your sorry butt, he's lovingly encouraging and prodding you.

Sometimes I think about the people that feel like God had to slap them with a board to get their attention, and they seem almost... indignat that God didn't just poke them. I don't think those people realize that God had already poked them, over, and over, and over again, finally he had to get louder.

G'night world.

Buzz

Has anyone noticed I try to sum up my entire post in one word in the titles? If you did, did you know I select my title first? So, I'm not sure if I write my blog based on my title or if my title is based on my blog. Hmmm...

Well, my mind is buzzing... and I don't know why. I've got a lot on my mind but it's mostly junk, like stuff I need to return tomorrow, getting to work on time, are my work clothes clean, when am I going to bed tonight or this morning. Then there are more important things, like my wonderful girlfriend :) :), people I'm praying for, friends I'm thinking about, possible issues with my job and schooling.

I'm tired right now... not from working but from thinking, processing, running events over and over again, thinking over conversations, replaying an interaction. I store some things in important areas, things I feel are important or moments that I cherish, the rest I store under general and slowly categorize it over time. Sometimes I'll go digging through the general area and will find something that either was missed or something that wasn't important at the time. I've begun to realize that I do most of this without thinking, it's like my mind is constantly on autopilot while processing. Which explains while I'll feel exhausted sometimes when I haven't actually done anything. It's why I come home and crash on Sundays because I've spent the entire day with my friends and I've got a massive amount of information downloaded that I'll need to sort through.

I feel like a machine constantly sorting and filing data, but at least I'm one with a heart.

Working for who's glory?

Passion that leads to anger is not of the Lord, but a desire to do the best for Him will produce good.

That's not a quote, I wrote that after watching a friend of mine. He has a great passion for what he does and wants to do his best, he works very hard to do it right and carries more than his share of weight. The flip side is that in order for him to do what he does requires trusting in others to be on time and carry their own weight, which they don't at times, because they are human and lose their focus. When this happens it makes him angry and he takes offense because he feels like he is blamed if things come out wrong even if it's not his fault.
I understand this very well, because I'm that way as well, I want to do what I do correctly and to the best of my ability and I too get angry when other people come up short and make me look like I don't know how to do my job. But I've realized, there is so much going on in other peoples lives that I know nothing about and I have no idea what might be distracting them. So, I've decided to work to the best of my ability and to swallow my pride and try to encourage those around me so we can all do better. To bring glory to God, to shine where things might be dark.
I don't want the light of God's love to be dimmed because I let my pride and the lies of the enemy put me in a foul mood! God is the reason I'm working, God is the only reason I take my next breath, God deserves praise no matter what is going on, and things are only as dark and dreary as I allow them to be. God wants to shine through his people, he wants to use his people, to work along side them and empower them to do far more than they could ever possibly do on their own.
I don't want to be the one that hinders the light, I want their to be a unity among the people of God that transcends reason, that people will see that we love what we do and we do it not for ourselves but for God's glory.
Who will join me? I know I'm not alone. I'm tired of being trampled by the enemy, Satan has no power over me, why should I let him and my sinful nature dictate how I act? I serve the power that created the universe with mere words, that weaved reality as we know it from nothing, if I truly believe that then I can run to God, my first true father, who planned my existence before anything existed. He will lift me up and His love will shine through me.
If my friend reads this, just focus on God, do it for Him, pray that the others will do the same, encourage them to follow Him, and everything will fall into place.

Dance of Love

A holy dance, a circle of love. One caring for the other, and the other returning the care. A steady and consistent beat; a flow that can be followed, that can be seen and admired. One gives and supports the hurting one, then once the hurting one is healed confirms and encourages the one that supported him. When battle is joined, the two fight as one, protecting and strengthening each other, the tempo increases, the dance becomes deadly, what spirit of evil can stand against it, what demon of hate, greed, lust , or any other tempter can destroy this dance? None can, for they have not the power nor the strength. The circle of love remains unbroken, the dance merely shifts and changes.
When the calm returns, the dance continues.
Both partners will, at times, step away and dance with another to love and support, even fight, for another, but they always return to each other. Sometimes both will draw a third into the dance, and both will encourage and support the third with love and care.
When times are calm, the two continue the dance, a circle of love never broken. For those that have eyes to see, they will notice a third partner in the dance, one who is in all the situations mentioned above, and far more. This one is the one that started the first dance, the dance that has been there forever and will forever continue. The three dance in harmony, never tripping each other, always supporting and moving in time with the others. If one happens to stumble, the other two lift him up, if both stumble then the first dancer of all carries them both until they can dance on their own again.
This circle is the circle of love, it is patient and kind, never ending and the greatest of all dances.

Love

I've been thinking about this word a lot lately.
And I've seen love on a lot of different levels, cause... to me there's only one love; it's qualities are always the same, patience, kindness, holding no record of wrongs, and so on. (1 Corinthians 13, look it up)
But it can be expressed in many different forms and ways. I love my family, and my friends, my girlfriend, my siblings, my "brothers", my "sisters", but I treat them all differently. I have the same love for them, but I can't treat my brother the same way I treat my sister, I can't treat one of my "sisters" the way I treat my girlfriend, I don't treat a friend the way I treat a "brother". My love for them is all from the same source, therefore it is the same love. but just expressed differently. Do you keep a record of wrongs for you brother, but fully forgive your wife? do you treat you son with kindness, but speak harshly to your sister? which do you love more? and how can you say you love one but not the other, to say you don't love the other goes against the fact that you love another.
Our world has perverted the word Love, it is Holy, Pure, Gentle, Kind, Selfless, Caring. Are you truly loving those around you? can you look at everyone on the same level and love them? I'm not saying treat the begger like your sister,or am I?, but you can love them with the same passion and God will show you how to act.
I want to do this! I want to be this, this is my goal, to look at two side by side and love them with an equal passion that only comes from God.
I will mess up, I will fail, I'm only human, but I intend to stand up again. To keep fighting my self, my own sin, my own desires, and seek God's Holy and Perfect will.
Seek God. Remain focused solely on Him.

What to do...

So, I'm actually going to try and stay on topic this post, doubt I can handle it but I shall try.
So, I've realized that the, the wonderful simple world I grew up in is so much more freaking complicated than I thought. Sigh...

I might have to be looking for a job soon, and just so you all know I've never looked for a job, mine got handed to me on a silver platter and I've never had to actually look for one so... the idea of working somewhere else scares me to death. The thought of stepping out of my nice sheltered job into the world scares me.

But... is the world all that scary? gulp... yeah, it is. For me.
I've had to grow up really fast in a short period of time, and... I'm still testing my new legs here and I'm thrown a need to grow more, not a desire a freaking need. I'm unstable, thrown off balance. I'm reaching, grasping for the stable things in my life, only to find that they too have shifted!
But, as my world begins to crumble, as I fall reaching, hoping to grab anything, a realization strikes me. I'm not actually falling, I just think I'm falling.

For some of you reading this your brains probably just did a double take, wait, he's falling, but he's not? wha????? O.o

Well, My foundation is on a Solid Rock, I'm an adopted child of God, he won't let me fall. I can't fall, if he's holding me, if I'm running to him, if I'm asking for his guidance. Now, I've had to learn quickly not to run to people, I'm in such a habit of doing it that it took coming into a relationship with my current girlfriend to realize it. I don't want to go and dump all my issues on her, to vent and complain. I love and care about her, I should share what's going on, not just dump it on her and sit there fuming while she is quick to encourage me and remind me of God. I realized I was starting to do this, and while she can take it, while she can handle my venting, she shouldn't have too. This issue is between me and God; she's amazing, she's there for me, a strength in my life, but she's a human, not God. God wants me to run to him, I can ask for someone to pray for me, explain in detail what's going on, but I shouldn't vent at them.
Often, I'm afraid to vent at God, afraid to go to him with my issues cause I'm worried he'll take offense to my petty issues, which are small, but for some reason bug the crap out of me.

well, I've strayed off topic, oh well, I'll just come back to it.

I'm trying to decide what to do, do I take a possible chance to work at a camp this summer? do I start looking for another job? do I settle down and wait and see if my current one works out? What to do...

I'm going to read my bible and pray. Now, wait a second, why would I do that? shouldn't I go talk to some type of adviser or read some type of book on finding a job? Maybe a book on hearing God's will?
For me, that would be pointless. I have direct contact to the one that invented the idea of idea's, that put the thought of work into the very being of man, the one that stands outside of time and has already seen where I'll be in the future. So... why not ask him? Do I really need a self help book? no. I could read it, say "that was a nice read, great ideas" but I'd still be where I was, and I would have less time to figure it out. So, I'm going to Him, my personal choice, I'm not going to say it's right, it's just what I feel I need to do, so I'm going to do it.

Good things

So, things have been going amazing lately. My friendships are, for the most part, balanced and calm. I've learned things about God and just been able to relax and not force a smile. And OMG! I'm preparing to ask the most amazing and wonderful girl in the world out today! I am excited and trying very hard to remain calm and you know, at least somewhat collected.
She's already said she won't say no, but I'm still worrying about what to say... I don't want to ask her like I already know, it won't be special if I did that.
Anyway, I've noticed things are, for me at least, going rather well, and... I've been settling myself, digging my roots deep and getting prepared to hang on for dear life. I don't know what's coming, but I get the feeling that something is about to come roaring in. I know this because God never promised us freedom from trouble, but security and strength within the struggle. I've been given a "break" and I need to make the best of it.
See, the reason most people freak out and get all worried when trouble comes is because they relaxed, everything's going great, I have no worries. By doing that they drop their guards, and the enemy, during this time of relaxation is digging his foot in and preparing to take that foothold and rib you open with it. I've had this happen to me over and over again. I'm not going to let it happen again if I can help it.
I wish I could say things are going as well for my friends, I wish I could just reach out and hand them some of my joy and happiness and share with them. Some I have been able to do that with, but not as many as I would like.
God is good and he'll take care of them as he has taken care of me, but not if they turn against him and run. He can't help them if they run, he won't force them to come to him.
I wonder what all God's got planned for the near future....

Words

Words are powerful... be careful when you use them.

Changes

I've done a lot of thinking lately and I've realized something by looking at a relationship I have with one of my oldest friends. We've known each other for nearly 8 years, and looking back... at our cores we haven't changed one bit. Yeah, we've grown up. we're taller, stronger, had different experiences. but we're still those same kids we were 8 years ago, well... I wouldn't really say we're the same kids, but our personalities haven't changed for sure.
This prompted me to look at other old relationships and see, have they not changed as well. and so far, with only one exception because that person only showed part of her personality, no one has really changed. I know, I know, we're supposed to grow and change, if you're thinking that you're misunderstanding me. I'm not talking about growing, or growing up. I'm talking about the things that makes us who we are, our likes, our dislikes, the way we walk, or talk, the little quirks that are all our own. Sometimes these things change, If you're a christian, as you grow in your faith you might stop certain habits or start new ones depending on how God leads you, but you shouldn't become a cookie cutter of your pastor and walk and talk like him. you should take your faith and add it to you, that does mean things will have to go, but not who you are. I've struggled with this concept, I want to surrender to God and let him mold me, but I still want to be me. Slowly, at the pace God knew I'd need, he has been changing me. The last few months have been brutal on my personality, all the growth I've gone through is so short a time. I went from being a kid in soul and personality to being a kid in soul and a grown up in personality, I don't want to stop being a kid. I want to still cherish the little things, the small things that have always given me joy. The moonlight splashing over a silent yard, the twinkle of the silent stars. These are the things I hold most dear, the softness of a kittens fur, contrast with the rough feel of concrete.
In all my growth, as much as I've changed, I'm still me. Still the same person, I'm me, growing up hasn't changed who I am, and I doubt it will. God isn't a dictator that expects everyone to act the exact same like robots, he does expect us all to have the same qualities, such as Love, Self Control, Joy. But not everyone has to talk the same, act the same, jump, walk, run, the same. To expect that of us would destroy who we are, would destroy our unique qualities that make us stronger. Differences are not a weakness, they are a strength. I'm different, I'm very different, I am constantly breaking down what people consider normal, for some it has been a welcome revelation... for others disturbing and even scary, depending on their views of people.

Often times... I ask why? Why am I who I am? why do people act differently around me? what's special about me? then I realized... it's not me... it never was and it never will be. It's the spirit of God within me, they react differently because of his spirit, because of his Power. My name means "who is like God?" I don't view it as a question, but as a challenge. Who dares to assume the level of God, Who dares to stand before the most powerful being of all and survive. I'm a fighter, I need a challenge, a reason to fight, to keep going. I'm not just a fighter, I'm also a defender, I will protect those I love and care about, if not in the visible world then in the spiritual. I fight on different levels, at different times, for different reasons.

I also consider myself a brother, I have adopted a lot of people, people I consider more than friends, people that I cherish and hold dear. If you've been adopted by me, and you'll know if you have, I've made this promise. I will fight for you, I will be there for you, if I can't then I will pray that God places someone else there to do it for you. My arms are always open for you, if you need a shoulder or just to be accepted. That is my promise to you, open arms and a loving heart.

I am human, I'm not perfect, I never made a claim to be. I will make mistakes, I will mess up. but one thing I will not do is give up, I will never stay down, I will never let the enemy hold me. My God is all powerful, and He is within me. What can stand against me? what temptation or evil can hold me? none. Darkness is powerless against the light of the Holy One, and the Holy One is within me.

To end this post, I'll say good night and God Bless you.
God loves you, regardless of your past, regardless of the present, regardless of the future, He LOVES you.
And to my adopted brothers and sisters I offer a warm embrace, and a welcoming smile.
My God brighten all your days with His Glory and Splendor.
In the holy love of Christ,
Vann

Weight

A cry to God
"How much can I hold before I break? How long can I stand? Will my spirit break? I see everything, but don't know what to say. I see everything, but don't know what to do. I fade in and out of their lives, touching here, touching there. A phantom, appearing when I needed then fading again. Why can I do what I do? why do I know what I know? Feel what I feel? you made me! you made my plan! I'm your creation!
When I'm tired, when I'm drained, you send one of your own. When I'm overflowing and have plenty to share, you send me too them. Where are you leading me? am I actually following you?
You are ALMIGHTY GOD, the LAMB THAT WAS SLAIN, the KING OF ALL KINGS. THE LORD.
Thank you Father, for being yourself."

Good night world.

Battle

This is a Short Fiction story. For some it'll have more meaning than to others.



SwordMaster stretched mockingly in front of Van.
"what? your friends taking the day off today?" He rolled his powerful shoulders, swung his sword experimentally, and settled into a ready stance.
Van, so... familiar, but his eyes were different from the one he was copied from, they were red and his skin was paler. The talon like fingernails clicked together as he rubbed his hands together.
"Off... no... they're around." He stared deep into SwordMaster's eyes "you can't defeat us, you never have, you never will."
SwordMaster leapt forward with a roar, his golden blade flashing as he struck with lightning speed.
"you won't have HIM! I'll continue to fight for HIM! you can't defeat me, no matter how hard you knock HIM down I'll pull him up! He'll have to get rid of me in order for you to defeat me!" SwordMaster's bladework was incredible, his skills impossible, he was cut, bruised, and scarred, the wounds only making him stronger. each cut taught him something new, each bruise opened his eyes more, every scar reminded him of the past. Others joined him in his fight against Van, Other immortals, others from the outside. Lash, Jaa, Ye. The immortals faded, but he stood, SwordMaster stood alone most of the time. He'd never give up, he'd never fail his mandate.
Thrash and Undra, his other two greatest enemies joined Van and the four of them continued their never ending battle. it raged on and on, Sometimes others joined SwordMaster, most times he fought alone.
Then, one day, a warrior, of the likes of which that the SwordMaster had never seen came upon the scene. White hair, white armor, and a shining white sword. He calmly entered, picked SwordMaster up from where Undra had knocked him down, and stood him on his feet.
"Well done SwordMaster, now He's called me to fight for HIM. It's time for you to join HIM, and help him fight for the others."
Where some would have been angry, SwordMaster was over joyed, no longer would he daily fight the same monsters that were trying to destroy HIM, now he'd strengthen HIM, help him stand strong more openly. He watched as The white fighter calmly dispatched Van, Thrash, and Undra, then a deep crack appered in the ground and their boies were cast in it.
SwordMaster bowed to the White one, and calmly joined HIM.
Now the true fights would begin. The Glory of the Creater had appeared once again in it's fullness. The Power had returned to the dry vessel.

First Post sooo... about me!

I'm going to be very short in this because... I don't like writing about myself. It unnerves me... telling a screen about myself. Blehhhh...
Anyway. I'm Mike, just to throw that out there. Vann Zratha is my writers name because... I like Vann and my friend Holly came up with the name Zratha for a story idea and I didn't get to use it as a character so I picked it up as my "name" my alternate me, as it were, the writer me.
Anyway, I'm a homeschooler, have been my entire life.
I used to be a swimmer, before I permanently injured myself in Tae Kwon Do (not a cool story, very very boring).
I write, I run slides for the youth band at my church, I'm a generally help guy. I listen to people, text, talk, hang out, eat, go to movies, like a certain girl. I'm just a regular guy.
All this though... it's not really what defines who I am, not really. yeah, I've got busted shoulders so I can only lift something so heavy, and I can't work out mt arms for fear of more damage. I love listening to people, talking to people, hanging out. but none of that truly defines who I am.
Who I am is defined in a choice I made 4 years ago in Phoenix, AZ. I chose to allow the Spirit of God to come in and cleanse me of my sin, I accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. So, right off the bat, I'm a Christian. Don't like Christians, don't read my blog, I won't be offended.
I'm done for tonight.
God Bless all.