I recently received a verbal hide-tanning from a loving friend. He was passionate about a subject, and I dodged around the topic for a long time. He wasn't even trying to tan my hide, he was just expressing the passion in his heart. I went home that night and I asked God why I ran away from the topics, why I ran away from Him, why I was so afraid. I didn't get an answer... I already knew it.
A while ago I met with my pastor for coffee between jobs, (I'm an exterminator now if you didn't already know), and during the ensuing conversations I casually asked if he was worried about something. "Worried is a strong word." I went cold, but outwardly agreed. Why did I go cold? "Love is a strong word." "Hate is a strong word." My pastor put worried on the same level as hate and love.
Worried, we often casually throw it around as though it was nothing, a cheap word. "I'm worried about..."
Worried "anxious or troubled about actual or potential problems."*
Origin
Old English wyrgan ‘strangle.’ In Middle English the original sense of the verb gave rise to the meaning ‘seize by the throat and tear,’ later figuratively ‘harass,’ whence ‘cause anxiety to’ (early 19th century, the date also of the noun).*
We've really tamed this word, but does it not still strangle us? Keep us penned up. Worry does not motivate, it traps, snares, strangles.
And when we worry we are afraid, and fear enters our lives.
And now you're going "yes, you're clever, we see what you did there, bringing us full circle to your topic, but what is the point?"
Fear "avoid or put off doing something because one is afraid" (Verb)*
"Again... Point?"
Ok, I have been afraid.
Of God, of people, of opinions, views, thoughts, actions, consequences, etc.
This fear allowed me to play church and Christ Follower, even be a decent leader. It did not allow power in my life, it did not allow me to lead with true authority nestled deep within the will of God, it did not allow power to flow out of Christ through me.
"Isn't God all powerful? Can't He change your heart? Are you even a Follower? He doesn't need you. Is He even real? Am I wasting my life?" Lies in my own mind tearing at my belief and the more I feed them, the more I worry, the more worry grows the more I feel strangled, the more strangled I feel the more afraid I become, the more lies I feed to myself. A circle.
So, when God didn't answer the question I already knew the answer to, I told Him the truth.
"I'm afraid."
I surrendered my fear, I thanked Him for His rescue, and I continued with joy in my heart. My struggles didn't change, but I was no longer afraid.
"That easy?"
No, this has been a long road. Years and years of fear, constant lying and running, playing Christian and church, gaining friends and losing them when I became afraid of hurting them. So no, it wasn't that easy. I had to reach a point where I was willing to surrender my fear, to give ownership of it to Christ, and accept His offer of joy. I got the better deal, and I'm very thankful.
These verses at the bottom are what continued to go around in my head, they were once burdens that I felt like a failure when I read them, now I feel joy reading them. Because there's a promise of peace that will guard my heart.
2 Timothy 1:7
English Standard Version (ESV)
7 for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.**
Philippians 4:6-7
English Standard Version (ESV)
6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.**
*Found by searching Google
**Copied from biblegateway.com
*Found by searching Google
**Copied from biblegateway.com
