God's Will...

So LifeCity (My home church if you didn't already know) is currently doing a series called God's Will. But that's not what this post is about, however my pastor is quite excellent and you should listen here. :) Shameless I know, but it was a very good word shared. 

Onward! So, this idea of God's will has been on my mind, and for any one who has even remotely attempting to follow the Teaching's and Lifestyle of Christ then this question has crossed your mind. "What is God's Will for me?"

So, we start looking at Pastors and Teachers, Missionaries and Prayer Warriors, Healers and Servers, and we feel more inadequacy then we can handle. And we decide to just coast along waiting for God to tell us what our big mission is going to be for him! Apparently the Christian church is saturated with a Hero concept. Big earthly mission, big heavenly reward, maybe a little bit of press cause "unto all the world", right? And we listen to the big names in press, the big names in our churches, the visiting missionaries, and popular out of town visiting pastors! They have these incredible stories of how God called them to what they're doing now, and our hearts soar with excitement and we say "I can't wait until God does something like that in my life!"

And as time passes, the pastors leave, and missionaries return to their fields, you wait... and nothing happens. You get frustrated at work, your family seems to be a big distraction, "Can't they understand I'm waiting for God to call me to something big!", children grow up, friends move on or pass away, and you're still wondering why God hasn't called you to some big mission. Headquarters must have lost the invoice, the message was "lost in translation". And so you serve your heart out at your home church, and you settle into a life that is not as glamorous as you wanted. But something tugs at your heart, those kids in your neighborhood, the older widow whose alone, that friend you always meant to catch up with, and you go before God and say "I know I've probably missed out on the big mission, I'm to old and tied down now, life's gone by to fast, but... can you show me how to serve those around me? I can at least do that."

This is where something amazing happens, those people day to day, begin to notice that you care about them, that you care about who they are, what they like, and little by little you see them. They're hurting, or lonely, or even joyous and unpredictably fun to be around, they want to laugh, they need to cry, and one day there comes a moment that is the most glorious thing you can experience. Your friend, that you love, and have prayed for endlessly, whose debated with your over scripture and God, who you've gone on vacation with, and whose kids call you "uncle" or "aunt", he comes to you with such a light and joy in his eyes as he says, " I get it! I understand! I'm free, my friend, Christ has freed me just as you are!" and you, you who wanted to be apart of something big, get to see something huge and can rejoice personally in it.

Obviously this is a fictional concept, but it's happened to people. It truly hit me a while back when our CityGroup had a visitor, a friend who lived in Israel, and when we asked her What mission did he give her, what calling was pressed on her life...she responded in confusion. Her answer was simple, she just lived her life and shared Jesus as much as she could. No big calling, no giant mission, just living life. As I've studied the bible growing up, I don't see many if any mentions of people getting calls from God because they've ignored their lives and are just waiting. I do see him calling the faithful, the wondering, the lost, the busy, the frustrated, the limited, and the weak.

"Why the picture of the book?"

Because... I'm going through this book with my friend, and we're living life and experiencing the growing pains of following Christ together. We were talking today and noticing how each chapter we've gone through has correlated with events within our Church, our lives, and our friendship. We're not reading this on a schedule, we're reading it as we remember and have time, but what we've read has been perfectly timed. To us, that's an example of God's will in action. That the tools we need are appearing as we need them, the conversations, tugs on our spirits, and knee jerk reactions of "I just wanted to check in", are perfectly timed and designed by God for us to grow closer to him. We've been faithful, we've been wondering, lost, busy, frustrated, limited, and weak. The calling is  

"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20 ESV

That is a blanket command... There is God's will for me.

Wow, do I struggle with that. But, I do not despair, I have before, it's not fun,  but there is grace, mercy, and strength, for the fallen, frustrated, and weak.

I hope this is encouraging to you.

Return of Affection...

So, I'm an affectionate person. hugs, highfives, bumping into, and just messing around are normal things I do to express affection for people. Not an uncommon thing, I know.

However, for some people, myself since that's my main source of info in this area... when we struggle with stress, change, hurt, anger, sin, addiction, we tend to withdraw from being affectionate. Especially while single. If this season goes on to long we begin to "forget" that we're affectionate people, and affection, especially physical, becomes awkward. Family and especially close friends aren't affected as much, but mostly new friends or friends whom you've had/having difficulties with.

That's been my life for the past year or so, but then the healing processes start and if said person is highly self aware that person will suddenly realize they have a vast craving for affection both to give and receive and their first thought is "People are going to think I've gone crazy". But thats ok, being yourself is a good thing and even if people think you're crazy it'll pass as they realize it's just you!

On my personal side of this season the effect of the "dark time" involved me not doing things I enjoyed, not wearing my rings/bracelets, finding grey/boring clothing, not watching tv shows/ movies that I really enjoy. While these things are not vital to me for existence, they are me, my personality, who I am. In small ways our style, likes and dislikes, all add up to who we are and how I believe God made us to be. So, denying those things is denying who I am, which drives me deeper into the "dark time".

So coming out of this season triggers a rapid amount of changes, (coming out of this season being last night and today) and a major sense of being disoriented. Like getting glasses when you haven't had them for a long time. But there's this amazing feeling when you know, "I'm being me as I am, who I am, and its good." These are times of celebration, not to be over analyzed and deeply understood, just experienced and enjoyed.

So this is a celebration post of freedom and good feelings :) Yay!

So, if you read this and I'll see you anytime soon be expecting a hug, in fact just walk up and get one! I won't mind!

On Leadership...

"Many years ago", as in almost ten, I was told "You are a natural leader." I laughed, I would still today if it wasn't for where I am now. As a fifteenths year old the idea was laughable, I just followed whoever would take me. Prophetic statements seem strange or laughable at the time that they are spoken, but when the reality of them comes true you can not deny it.

Now, I've never ever ever openly said, "I want to be a leader!". I've said "I prefer to follow", "Just tell me what I need to do", and basically have jumped from one service position within churches to another and have never truly felt fulfilled and satisfied in my labors. Surprisingly, I found myself suddenly in a leadership position... and it is hard work.

I understand now why we're called to pray for our pastors, and even our world leaders. Leadership is hard work, it takes thought, energy, intentionality, passion, awareness, strength, and wisdom. Leadership is about giving and giving and giving until you've got nothing left to give and you still do,  it's about inspiring others to more then they thought they could or what others thought they could, it's about empowering people in the abilities God has given them personally, and creating environments that inspire success and growth.

Leadership is also about giving grace in the times that need it, and firm fair judgement in times of conflict. And I am not a natural at many if ANY of those things! So, I laughed at my friend. But now, I think about my life and I look back at times with friends, and just the situations of life. And I see that being a Natural Leader doesn't mean that leadership comes naturally to you, it means people naturally gravitate towards your leadership. Good or bad, they will lean towards it.

Natural leaders are magnetic and they can't help but gather people to themselves. I'm not... A Outwardly excited happy rainbows and butterflies kinda guy that makes people feel good, but I can't deny the influence I have. That means I get choices, I can keep running from group to group, I can lead begrudgingly and miserably, or I can accept my struggles and strive to excellence with joy.

I've been through the first, I'm coming out of the second, and am going into the third. What changed? I got tired of moving around for the first, it became exhausting to keep running. On the second, I realized the effect that unhappy begrudged leadership has on the people following you.

Also, my eyes had to be opened to what all my teams and I do. We build a stage every single week, we put together sermon slides, and utilizes our graphics and creative teams efforts, and the combined efforts of the different teams creates something amazing. I had to see that, nothing physically changed about the work, but I could finally see what other people saw in it.

I still don't exuded butterflies and rainbows, but I can smile, laugh, and enjoy the place I've come to lead. It doesn't change the work, but I think it changes the weight of the load.