Long time no post...
Emotionally I feel like Charlie Brown; Depressed, dragging my feet through life, wondering what everyone really thinks, contemplating deep things about life and love, and feeling like I can't do anything right.
Life has taken me for a ride, but just like ride you have to get on, and I did. I made a choice, then another, followed by many more. I lost friends, mangled relationships, hid and lied, cowered in my mental shell. Now... I'm off the ride, but my adrenaline is still pumping, my hands shaking, head spinning, this is the park where you throw up and then feel better... Only I can't. The feelings won't go, I'm dry heaving for all I'm worth but all I'm doing is feeling worse.
I have four best friends... two loyal to a fault, one of those gets in my face about life, the other gets in my face at the times needed. Another I've known forever, we've fought it out, tried to run each other off, said we were done as friends, yet we always come back. Then there's my best of the best, my dark, brooding, brother who walked away when I wouldn't listen to reason, and came back when my pain was buried and hidden. because he knew, he knew my pain personally, and dropped the past to come and be my brother. I'm humbled... By all my friends. By the one who rips me a new one every time I deserve it, by the one who reminds me to have fun and enjoy life, by the one who knows me better then I know myself, and by the one who forgave and put aside the past to come and sit in the dark with me.
I look at these four... and unlike Charlie Brown, I realize I must have done something right. I don't deserve them, but I'm thankful for them.
