"and sin no more..."

There is darkness that fills the earth
My heart was once filled with it, and it consumed my mind and soul
There was no freedom as it ate away at me
Hope was but a phantom of an idea, a concept one could not grasp

Tendrils choked life away from me, oblivious was I indeed
I knew not the value of what was being stole from me
Cheap it was, pointless and useless
I heard words then, words of light and hope

Concept became real, fantasy truth before my eyes
I surrendered all to this, to someone hardly known
I was promised life eternal, but there would be a price
A price not paid by me...

A man gave his life, a man outside of time
This man was the Son of God, sent with purpose
He came to heal the sick, and find the lost
He came to die that I might not

Young was I, and lost in thought
I missed the value, ignored the cost
Shamed the name that took my sin
And threw away the cross

Always faithful, never forsaking
He stood with open arms, just waiting
And every time I turned my back, he said with love I cannot understand
"Still I am here."

I still fall away, I have turned my back shamed again and again
And again he said "paid in full, return and sin no more."
I am weak, but he has promised strength from him alone
Father embrace your son, for home I do return.

John 8:11 She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more."

Restoration in the Midst of God's Work

Ephesians 2:14-18 
    For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.


Can I just say... God is awesome! God has been revealing so much about my heart and the life I've been living and how it compares to the life I should live. But these have not been the truly big deals going on in my life as of late. I have joined a church plant in the Brier Creek area and God has put me with some incredible people. But speaking of people...
One of the people on the team is a friend of mine, and this friend and I have had a really rocky few years. We've had spats, some of them petty, some quite serious. Well, I heard he was thinking of coming on the plant, and my heart jumped into my throat. The enemy took this moment to pound thoughts against me, thinking of how terrible it would be, and how much of a struggle it would end up being trying to stay civil, and just on and on the thoughts went.
Well, God stepped in and revealed himself strongly on my heart. And the incredible thing was how my heart just stepped in line with his, and we agreed that this plant is about God, and about spreading his kingdom in our city, and any squabbles between his children either need to be shelved or dealt with. So I just said to God, "This is bigger than me, or him, and if our passion is truly for you, then this would sort itself." Another friend even told me when I mentioned my fears, that God would deal with it and I wouldn't have to do anything.
Her statement was so true, God worked everything out perfectly. My friend and I ended up getting coffee, and just hanging out. We talked about the plant, and how excited about it we were. As we talked we shared our stories and found out they were so similar that only God could be involved. We had both been worried about each other being on the plant, and God changed both our hearts, and our surrender rewarded the restoration of a friendship in a way that no mental or physical work of our own could have ever brought about so complete a turn around of personality in our friendship.
This is such a perfect picture of how God can move when his people are sold out for him, there is a harmony of soul and spirit that leaves us breathless and laughing for joy. It causes us to run to him, and just leaping with joy like a child, saying "Look! Look! These incredible things are what you did!" We run around telling others, "God is awesome! Look at what he did!" It's also a perfect picture of how God takes to very imperfect people, and gives them the same passion and tools to do something. They become more than themselves, a part of a movement that makes everything pale in comparison to the work God has placed before them.
Now, there will still be struggles, I have no doubt me and this friend will be at odds again sometime in the future, but our God is bigger than those odds. If we stay true to God, then our hearts will be willing to compromise, and to further God's kingdom at whatever cost it might be to our pride and desires.
I just want to praise God for all he has been doing lately, I'm getting blown away more and more each time something incredible has happened.

Avoided and Forgotten

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

John 3:17

This verse is overlooked, and I think that it is often forgotten as it is over shadowed by its big brother that comes right before it. As Christians I think we should live this, and as humans we avoid it because it means we have to act, and deny ourselves the pleasure of condemning others. We derive pleasure from standing over others, and asserting ourselves as superior. We should be servants.

Wait... Servants? We're children of the king, we should be treated royally. We should not be serving others. Wrong! Jesus, the kings of kings, washed the feet of his followers. Feet that are dirty from the dust of the road, filthy in a way that we today rarely comprehend. God himself was washing the lowly feet of fishermen and tax collectors. We won't even smile at a homeless man. We turn our backs on the fatherless child, and far be it that we help the mother out. She's a whore and slut, she deserves to struggle and we would dirty our hands should we help them. We don't want to associate ourselves with the sinners... And we condemn them by our actions. And by condemning them we condemn ourselves. Our actions say, we are more important than others, and those others think that God values those people more. God's heart is broken by the sin that we commit in these actions. How can we claim to follow Christ? We can't even care for the least of these. Humbled I am, and ashamed. I have not lived this... Far from it. The anger and disgust expressed here is at my past self, and who I used to be, and who I no longer wish to be. We need to rise up, brothers and sisters, and live this out more than ever in these days.

Then he will answer them, saying, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.' And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."

Matthew 25:45-46

Overused and Misunderstood

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

The most used verse in all the Bible, it carries a weight, and a depth of meaning that has become diluted and devalued. We're talking about a death...and our diluted senses practically shrug. Death is all around us in movies, books,and TV shows. It's flashy and dramatic, or quick and seemingly painless. Life has lost value to us as a western culture.
Christ suffered a cruel death... Agony to the limit that any human body can endure... The worst form of torture. And then, worse than death, God turned His back on His Son and denied Himself community with Himself. Allowing the sin of all humanity to come crashing down on Jesus. Every lie, every theft, every affair, murder, rape, moment of envy, angry shout, bruising hit, bow before an idol, every moment a human being chooses not to live for God, came crashing down on Jesus. And the agony of the physical suffering that day became nothing in comparison to His soul freely accepting the punishment intended for us. But this would be meaningless if God had kept His back turned, but He did not. Jesus rose again under His own power. He was reunited with His father and they were once again whole and complete in in each other.
Because of His death and resurrection, we can believe and trust that He was indeed the Son of God. We also can understand that our sins are washed away. I think, though, if we truly understood the agony of Christ's suffering on our behalf...if we lived every day by saying Jesus suffered and died for me today, we would live differently.

Where is Your heart?

Mark 7:20-23
And he said, "What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person."

A person's actions and choices, not what they eat, is what defiles them. This is a warning against sin, and a deeper understanding of the heart and mind of God. God is more interested in the heart than what we eat, more interested in why we eat than how we eat it. This includes how we dress, act, movies we watch, and how we treat others.

God would rather us dress modest and simply so as to keep others from judgement and temptation than for us to dress flashy and in gold bringing honor to ourselves. But, if their heart is pure seeking only to honor God, then a man could wear the finest clothes in the land and still honor God in his dress. The heart is the most important part, and should not be used as an excuse to dress immodestly or to act immorally. Because, if your heart is truly right, then you have no need to justify your actions, and your actions will not be immoral. Your actions will be confirmed in your spirit, and in Scripture, and there will be no difference between them. If you need to explain to someone younger in faith or a non-believer, it should be Scripture-based and not violent, you should be compassionate and understanding of someone's ignorance. It all comes back to where your heart is, and we should all seek to have a heart after Christ.

This is what I strive for though I struggle every day.

If Jesus were on earth today...

I pondered the other day, what would Jesus be doing if He were here today. It shamed me... He would be living in the moment, caring for people, and showing love all the time. Me? I was grumpy, caught up in my own desires, wishing for myself, feeling bad about what I didn't have, frustrated over finite things. I ignored people in need... Did not encourage... Sought only for myself. I did not seek God, or follow Him.

I also thought about today, who would Jesus visit if He came to earth. Not the President, nor the Emperors throughout the world, not even the kings. He would approach the child making castles in the sand, ride up as royalty, request audience, and treat the child as His own. He'd play, and laugh with him. He would then visit the beggar, and would sit with him in the dirt, hear his story, cry with him, and heal his hurts. He would care for the least of these, not add to the pompous pride of people who ignore Him. I'd be there, expecting a visit from God, and confused as to why He visited the dirty man on the street corner.

I thought about myself today... And wondered why God didn't protect me, was not giving me strength, and feeling as though I was alone. I realized... I was wearing the clothes of the enemy, hanging their symbol around my neck, branding their brand upon myself, and then crying out to God. I was indignant and angry. He wanted to help me, and already had. He gave me the choice; Choose the enemy, or choose Him. I chose the enemy... And then had the gall to question God working in my life.

I'm sick and tired of this; of living a life flip flopping from loyalty to loyalty. It is immature and unholy, self destructive and self gratifying. I can't do it myself... I have to learn to submit myself to God, and humble my pride.

I have a long way to go.

Agony

Agony. To be in a state of mental or physical anguish. Intense pain and suffering. Agony can exist in the heart, the mind, and the body. It is terrible, and horrific. You feel alone, without any escape. People sometimes try and say it isn't as bad as it could be, or they've suffered worse. Your heart sinks, cause its the worse YOU'VE ever suffered, can't they understand that? I write this, not having passed through, but while in agony. Agony of my soul and mind, which is leading to suffering in my body. This agony, is of addiction, but not from indulgence. Quitting... Quitting an addiction is like tearing off a finger, or a limb. It has been with you so long it is a part of you. I've walked away from it, but it chases me. I'm out of breath, it catches me and tries to seduce me. It demands my attention, my focus, and it reminds me of the pleasure. How much I long for it, how we can help each other, how it will complete me. I still deny it, and it becomes angry. It roars and claws at my heart and soul, trying to crush me, force me, it reminds me that I've failed time and again. I roar back, clenched fists and rage. The mental withdraw causing my head to pound, and the physical reactions causing me to shake. I want to pound my head into a wall, and tear off my skin. This is what we hide on Sunday's, this is the reality of denying yourself and choosing to not fall away. You beg for escape, relief, anything to get away. You grow discouraged and heart broken. You feel like a failure all the time.... Sometimes I just throw my hands up and give up. But that sense of failure, the guilt, the shame, that pounding overwhelming sense of dread and crushing despair is all LIES! They are lies, Satan and his minions twisting you and me. Evil trying to tie up our focus and abilities so we know nothing but our own suffering. I know... There has to be an escape. God promised that there is no temptation we cannot resist if we surrender to Him. God has given me his Spirit, and a guide, and brothers and sisters to help me escape, and fight back. I'm not alone, God stands before me and behind me. I'm exhausted...but I have to ask God for strength. Run. Fight. Surrender to God alone.

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