Who is God... To me.

I may have posted this once before, but... I can't remember and I'm feeling lazy, besides if I've learned something new since I last "spoke" about it, then it does not matter anyway.

I had a moment last year where I was feeling an urge to help myself understand God better, now I have a serious problem with the whole "God is like this...to me." I feel when we limit our view of Him, and we limit our own potential. But I was really struggling with how...impersonal and distant God felt from me, which is a limitation of my own mindset. As you can probably tell, I'm trying very hard to make myself clearly understood. People have a habit of not actually listening to what I'm saying and jumping down my throat on the first thing that "goes against the grain", or "isn't quite right."

The nice thing about a blog, I can say what I want, how I want, and there's no one but my other thoughts to cut me off. :)

Anyway, So I was feeling that God was very impersonal, like high-end CEO, I know his name...I see what he's done and what he is doing, but I have never actually made friends with him. So, I started seeking ways that could make God more personal to me. One of the first things that came to mind was Names, or the names of God. Names are so powerful, more powerful then I think people really understand. My name, Michael, means "Who Is Like God?" and after growing in my faith and really pondering my own name, I view it as a challenge. Kind of like, "You! Who can you say is like God? Prove it, prove to me that someone can be like God, and I'll prove to you that one no can." Gloves off. Sword drawn. Line in the sand. WHO IS LIKE GOD!?

My middle name is James, and I struggled with this for a while, because by definition, the name is not a "good" name. By my mom really pounded this home when she said, "I don't care what any definition says, you were named after your father who is a strong, loving, caring, sacrificial man." I've never forgotten that, and I never will.

And Hudson.... means son of Hud. I don't know who Hud is... :)

Rabbit trail.....

And back. But I really started searching for the name for God that really...hit home. The name that defined who he had been in my life. It took some searching, but I found this

Jehovah Mekeddeshem, The Lord Who is Sanctifying You. My entire life is around God cleansing me, and making me holy and pleasing to him... and it is a full time job.

The funny thing is, I forget that name. I ran away, threw away that name and went my own way. After being back for a while, something triggered that name in my mind and I rediscovered how amazing and powerful it is. But I still struggle with making him mine...and understanding that I am his.
So I continue, one day at a time.