Sometimes we are overcome by emotion, anger leads us to action, horror leaves lasting scars, and desire leads to excessive care and attention. No emotion can exist without causing a reaction, and more often then not those reactions are outward. The effects can be quiet, like a person avoiding friends or family in sadness or hurt. They can be loud, such as angry outburst and destruction of people or property.
The one we don't notice or don't see is what we can justify as not reacting, which is the reaction of suppression or hiding emotion. This I am very familiar with, I suppress my emotions all the time. Like right now, I'm very afraid, but I'm hiding my fear behind keeping myself busy. The current thing I am afraid of is myself, I'm scared to dig in and find out who I am. The fear is so bad that I'm shaking... and cannot think clearly.
Take that fear, and throw a moment of rage on top of it. You now have two conflicting emotions fighting for the same spot, begging for a reaction. My rage was focused on abortion, the radio wasn't even saying someone was having one, but hearing it trigger the type of rage that I would not want people to see. The reaction was violent, and then suppressed. Why? Cause I have no desire to allow violence to dictate my actions, and because my fear watered down my rage but not before my heart was caught in a whirlwind of emotion.
I was left shut down and gasping, my heart aching in loss of ones that never had a voice. Sadness fills the moment....sadness I can't express. Maybe a day will come, when how I feel and who I am will be one and the same.
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