One Thing

Sometimes we don't need God to teach us ten or even fifteen things, just to walk away from meeting with him with ONE thing. That one thing you can then focus your attention on, or in my multiple-level way of thinking bring it along side my focus on the things around me. So as I go about my day or week, maybe even...a month. I think on that one thing. No, I don't. I get distracted, other things come up, and that thought gets shoved far back in my mind.

This is my goal, to have one thing that God wants me to focus on that must change about myself. At a class last night I read something that made my head spin for a second, and I threw the thought in the "Melting Pot" second. The part of my mind that just rolls things over and over, breaking them down until they're better understood. But the quote was talking about how God separates us from sin, and my first reaction was...huh? I've grown up hearing all my life about sin separating me from God, how my sin creates a wall between God and me and how Jesus removed that wall to bring me to himself.
I never considered that God might...defend me, or build a wall to separate me from sin. Sin was something I've viewed as consistent, always, but I can't view it that way anymore. It will fade away, Christ will remain. Have I partaken in the gift of defense from sin? Not yet, for already the day begins in darkness. It will not remain such, for my Lord is light and he will not allow darkness to rein in me.

So, as I go about this day, my intention will be to allow Christ to stand between me and sin, as a father will stand between his child, or a friend to protect a friend, a husband between his wife and the world, this is how my Lord stands between me and the evil I can choose to partake in.

A Concept of Possibility

People play with possibility, saying "If I do this, then this will happen." Maybe they do not say it out loud, or even realize that it passed through their minds, but at some point someone has thought of what would happen in a given situation based on their actions. I am not innocent of this, I would even lay some claim of being a chief of this action. This though of "What if I..." has been apart of my life as long as I can remember, to the point of panic and sickness of both spirit and mind.

This way of thinking is good for chess or starting/running a successful franchise, corporation, or business. As a life style though, it leads to paranoia and fear. You feel a sense of total loss of control, and the thought that sneezing in public might scare the person next to you causing them to bump into someone else and that person having lost their balance falls off the bridge onto the highway below cashing through the windshield of a CEO of a very important corporation killing him instantly which causing the car to logically lose control and crash starting a chain reaction of wrecks which become a massive fifty car pile-up making a specific scientist late who was going to cure cancer but because he wasn't there the cure mutated and killed the world.

Now, reading that it makes sense right up to the of the fifty car pile up and then it starts getting ridicules. You, who are reading this, are probably thinking, no one really thinks like that and he just made it up, it's crazy. Well, the reason you've never heard of someone thinking that way is because in their minds they said "If I tell them how I think, they'll think I'm crazy, and they will either reject and mock me or lock me away." That way of thinking that I wrote out is a little extreme I will admit, but closer to home for me is the thought of relationships, friends and family.

The world isn't going to die because I said the wrong word to a friend at the wrong time. The peace between two countries isn't going to end because I lost my temper while I felt scared and cornered. I might hurt a friend though, and that might drive them so far away that I've lost them forever. The way of thinking "If I do this, then they'll do that" like I said before works well in chess. Because there are only two factors that determine the game, the moves you make and the ones your opponent makes. Life and relationships for those of us that think in this way can easily be viewed as a chess game, because it's only between you and that person. But that is a trap, and it starts a domino effect.

This in my mind is what I consider a Concept of Possibility. The idea or thought that any action I take in any circumstance will merit a reaction or cause an effect on something or someone else. Chess is a simple game of moving my pieces to block your pieces til you can no longer move. The game becomes complicated when you add in the factors of: 1. How long has the person been playing chess? 2. How creative are they? 3. How many moves can they keep in their head at one time? 4. are they smarter then me? 5. has someone taught them something I don't know? 6. is the fact that I haven't eaten going to effect my ability to perform? 7. was staying up all night researching strategies going to be helpful or will the lack of sleep hinder my judgement? This list can go on and on.

Take a simple idea, then start adding to it. Next thing you know you've built an entire web of possibility, and before you can even act on the idea you've built the web has become a thing of it's own, and it tangles you up and fear and doubt and the possibility of loss, rejection, and mockery paralyzes and turns you to mush and then it drains you like a spider with it's prey. You're left with nothing but "what if's" and regret.

Now, how does chess relate to relationships and life? Go back, read numbers 1-7 and replace them with any question. "is he going to think I'm ugly?", "can they every forgive me for what I did?", "am I going to sound foolish?", "will they give me the time of day?", on and on. The Concept of Possibility is a trap of Satan, he built and designed it so that we would be more worried about ourselves and how our life will be, then how God wants to reach and effect people. That web of God's that you're so scared of getting caught up in because of what people will think, well it's not a web, it's a safety net to save us from the burning building or the eternal fall. The game of Chess that Satan has you playing, the mind games that he throws at you to trip you up, well you don't have to play. You're free to get up and walk away from his game, in fact you should cause he wrote the rules and when playing games with the devil you always lose.

God has called us to love him, and IF we love him we will love the things he loves, and we will want to do the right thing, and we will follow him and he will guide us through every awkward conversation, scary interview, and dangerous situation. We won't have to worry about "what if", we'll only have to act on "What is the next adventure of sharing and knowing Christ more?"

What could possibly be wrong with that idea? :)

Fighting Blind

It's one thing to go into a fight when you know who your enemy is... It's another when you are blind, turned around, and confused. You have a choice then, to not fight or to lash out.

When you don't fight, you run the risk of being hurt in full. The chance of being defeated without a voice, throwing yourself to the mercy of those around you. Terrifying is the thought, and horror is the emotion. But if you don't fight... You could protect someone you love.

If you chose to fight. You attack without thought to who or what you are inflicting damage. Selfishly defending your crippled state... And in the moment when you've wounded one who is close to you... Clarity returns and the horror of what you have done drives you to madness.

You flee and your blindness drops like a veil over your eyes again. You believe you have destroyed them, you believe their friendship lost to you. Their love cast aside in the moment of injury.

Stopped in your blind run by a solid wall, you beat your head against it. Self inflicting punishment upon the guilty. Truth and lies roar in the emotional upheaval that has began to spiral into a tornado of destruction. Then in the dark a voice of faith and reason appears.

Explaining your situation, you seal your doom and wait foe the voice to agree. They take what you said, and placing it aside, explain that what was done is done. They show the lessons that could be learned, the blessings of true friendship and forgiveness, and challenges for the future. And hope... Offering hope to the blind. There can be no greater gift, then hope. A Christ gave us hope at a life fulfilled, and a hope of salvation, a hope for forgiveness, a hope for his call, and the glorious return to a world renewed.

So then you wait, and you pray. The blind sitting in darkness, but not in fear and not alone. Hope restored and joy renewed we strive forth for reconciliation and a restored trust in the hope of things that mean more then mistakes, the value of friendship and the love that Christ has given us that has allowed broken things to be repaired and a glorious reuniting that cannot truly happen outside of Christ and his family.

So I hold to and trust in this hope, and continue about the day in the light of Christ. Hoping that this dusty lantern will shine clear enough, as it is in the process of refinement, that one day that it will shine forth, but not for it's own glory. For the glory of the light it emits, and for the sake of revealing truth, giving comfort, and pointing the way for those who wish to follow Him who is the light of the world.

For there are those who play at God, those who pretend to be Gods, and then those who claim to be from God. To what end could man or women attempt to claim such things; power, money, maybe perversion? Those who play at God and those who claim to be gods,there is nothing for them. But for those who claim to be from God, watch and listen closely, for true followers will be humble, generous, sacrificial, and true.
Do not fall prey to those false and deceptive.

Eyes

Eyes have a way of piercing the soul. They're like daggers, stabbing in and digging around searching for something...anything. Some look for faults, cracks, blemishes. Some look for strength, security, dedication. Some look externally, never caring about what lies beneath. Others ignore the outer, caring only for the true being. A very few seek for nothing, for they have already found everything. They have no need to judge, expect, or decipher. They have seen their own faults, and found strength. The outside is without meaning to them, and they love the true self.

I was talking to my friend last night, and the subject of eyes came up. I informed her that she's truly one of the few people I can look in the eye and carry on a conversation. The reason for that is because I can see in her eyes, the peace, love, strength, and security that comes with a heart truly devoted to Christ. She isn't perfect, but she truly cares for the sake of caring, she loves for the sake of Christ, and judgement is never an option.

My first thought is that I'm jealous, I long to be that way, then I decide to cast off jealousy. Instead of jealousy, I want inspiration. Drive. Challenge. Encouragement. Too often I feel that we, The Church, are so quick to become jealous of the Pastors, for they are anointed, The Elders, for they guide and direct, the Deacons, for they serve. We grow jealous of the Worship Leaders, because they can publicly stand before others and their talent is on display. Missionaries, for they go out in the world with a clear goal.

I'm not sure if this is true for many people, but I know it is for me. I also sense in my soul that the feeling is not mine alone. So, I pray for my brothers and sisters, that they will draw encouragement, that they will feel a calling, and that the pressure they feel will not be a cause for surrender, but a challenge to be beaten. They are the sons and daughters of God, when their brother has a gift or their sister is blessed, they are blessed as well. They have not been forgotten or neglected, they will in turn bless others if they allow themselves to be blessed.

I hope someone finds encouragement from this, or at the very least a different way of looking at their Church and those that are gifted within it.

God be Praised

Inheritance

Journey recently did a series called "Once Upon a Time". Going through some of the parables that Jesus told, and the most famous one being of the parable of the Prodigal Son. All my life I've been the other brother, the one who stayed and worked hard, this year I became the prodigal, I went up to God and told him I was tired of waiting for him to give me what I desired and I wanted it now. I did it out of spite, hurt, bitterness, and hate. I allowed my own desires to cloud my vision, and when a moment of testing came and it seemed like everything was taken away I didn't trust in His plan. I raised my fist in anger and turned my back.

He watched me go, and allowed me to have those desires of my heart. Deeply buried and black was my heart, my bitterness had destroyed me, and began affecting those closest to me. My best friend turned his back and rejected me, I drew away from friends and family and to someone who was posioning me just as I was posioning her. I became intwined in the dance of the drowning, two people dragging each other under just trying to stay afloat. Chain were choking me and stealing joy and life...existance. When the dance ended, and the chains were shattered. I felt great relief...but profound loss. The reason for my existance had been removed, I was adrift. My home no longer felt like home I had been gone so long, my friends were far away. I was lost.

Points of light began to appear in the dark. My best friend came back, on his own accord. Knowing that my darkest day had yet to come. My friends came back closer then ever, ready to stand with me. Life took on a new vision, but it was still dark. My heart still black, my mind full of anger and rage. I was drowning again. But... He didn't let me. My best friend and I talked and God used his words to stir my heart. I felt life returning, and the overbearing weight of my heart was lifted.

Then... I gave up. I stopped running away and I turned around and ran home. I fully expected to be placed in shame, fully condemed and have to work my way up in life again. Instead, I was given forgiveness and release and was taught that I was welcome back, and my past was only a factor of what I now knew and a source to learn wisdom. I was given the red robe that covered my sin, and the ring that named me as son... I'm unworthy and so grateful.

Good Grief Charlie Brown...

Long time no post...

Emotionally I feel like Charlie Brown; Depressed, dragging my feet through life, wondering what everyone really thinks, contemplating deep things about life and love, and feeling like I can't do anything right.

Life has taken me for a ride, but just like ride you have to get on, and I did. I made a choice, then another, followed by many more. I lost friends, mangled relationships, hid and lied, cowered in my mental shell. Now... I'm off the ride, but my adrenaline is still pumping, my hands shaking, head spinning, this is the park where you throw up and then feel better... Only I can't. The feelings won't go, I'm dry heaving for all I'm worth but all I'm doing is feeling worse.

I have four best friends... two loyal to a fault, one of those gets in my face about life, the other gets in my face at the times needed. Another I've known forever, we've fought it out, tried to run each other off, said we were done as friends, yet we always come back. Then there's my best of the best, my dark, brooding, brother who walked away when I wouldn't listen to reason, and came back when my pain was buried and hidden. because he knew, he knew my pain personally, and dropped the past to come and be my brother. I'm humbled... By all my friends. By the one who rips me a new one every time I deserve it, by the one who reminds me to have fun and enjoy life, by the one who knows me better then I know myself, and by the one who forgave and put aside the past to come and sit in the dark with me.

I look at these four... and unlike Charlie Brown, I realize I must have done something right. I don't deserve them, but I'm thankful for them.