"I'm a creature of habit."How many times have any of us said that? My manager mentioned today that "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." Another often used statement.
One is a justification of a repeated action, the other is an excuse to avoid change.
Obviously my blog is not habitual for me, it is more... Monumental. I write when I feel like I have something worth writing about, and it itches in my head until the words spill out. Once they start I can't stop, doesn't matter what time it is or what I should be doing. If I stop writing... it's lost. Often forever.
I was watching a movie about a man who has no short term memory, and in order to function he has to create a pattern, a law, by which he lives his life. My life is rather chaotic, work, hangouts, people, and friends all have shifted and changed throughout my life. Some things remain consistent though, my favorite food, my favorite soda, and going to church on Sunday. The guy in the movie had his patterns, my patterns shift, but that remains constant. I go to Church, family vacations aside, I was there every Sunday.
At one point in my life, I chose not to go. I chose to break my foundation in that pattern, and I fell very far. God dragged me back, I was shriveled and broken. Lifeless. I had no value, no worth in this world. I had broken everything I said I'd never do. I had no good works...no personal value. God took my hand, though I wasn't aware of it at the time. He brought me back to my habit of church, it wasn't a safe place by any means, but it was a good place.
I began to heal, one step at a time. I never gave God the honor He deserved then, but He placed people in my life. Brought friendships back from the void, and still I was blind. I thought it was just me, going back to what had worked. No, Christ was standing beside me, though I ignored Him. We do that... We say what we did, how God worked for us, how we asked, how we prayed.
It's sickening...We've done nothing to deserve anything but the fire of hell, whether we know it or not. Jesus died and rose again, all I did was beg for forgiveness. God parted the Red Sea, Moses held a staff. God heals so many injuries and sicknesses, we only ask and believe He will.
What do I do? I wear a cross, in a design that fits me. It has sharp edges, so that I remember the pain He endured for me. I wear a ring, as a promise that I will not return from where I came from. It too has sharp edges. I don't wear them for anyone but me, they're my reminders.
More then that, I'm learning to live, with excellence, love, joy, peace, righteousness, and from the standpoint of salvation. Victory has already been won, I must now live in it.
We have our habits, our patterns, our reminders.
God wants them... He wants to change them.
I'm far from healed, but I've healed a great deal.
Will you learn new things? Will you heal?
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