Rough Circumstances

I was thinking about rough times, hard circumstances, and difficult trials the other day. Their effect on the heart, how they twist it around, bruise and damage it. The way they drag down our spirits and make us feel like we have nothing of value to give. They make us think differently, we become distracted and distant sometimes. People's reactions to stress and pain are as varied as people themselves.
I am an inward thinker, but an outward processor. When I'm struggling with something, it rolls around in my mind, the way a cow chews its cud. I dwell and worry, play events over and over again in my mind. I get stuck going in circles, it can be maddening. Then I talk to someone, anyone really, who's willing to listen, and things start to fall into place as I discuss it and allow the pieces to pour out. The pictures form and I'm able to understand my own thinking, which can be a very complicated an convoluted thing. When you're trying to include as many possibilities and variables as possible, and still respect opinions, think about people's feelings, understand their circumstances, and decide your own opinions, you quickly become frustrated and irritable.
I think far too much on things of little importance, but back to the topic at hand. I was thinking of hard times, and how I've often blown my situations far out of proportion. My life does not have very many extremely difficult struggles, but I am struggling still with some of the hardest and worst things I have ever faced in my lifetime. And though they seem small, they've rippled out through my life and corrupted my views on love, introduced shame to my friendships, and instilled a sense of fear when it comes to other people. I could blame it all on what was done to me, and how I was hurt, but I know that most of my issues come from my own insecurities. These insecurities are fading some days, and they rear their ugly heads on others. It is a constant battle for my heart and mind. Constantly reminding myself of who I can trust, who has proven themselves, and remembering I seek the praise of God and not the approval of man.
Focusing my topic now, thinking about hard circumstances reminds me of a season of baseball that I played as a teenager. The coach called us out on a nasty, wet day, sent us to the field and had us practice sliding into base repeatedly. We were covered in mud; some of the guys even ended up with it in their mouths and down their pants. We were miserable, but, let me tell you, a few games later, I was thankful. I ended up in a situation where I didn't have the luxury of time to think, and I was able to slide as I had been taught and without fear. Sometimes, I wonder if God does the same to us. Allows us to experience, be it by our own sin or the struggles of another, hardships, so that when we are faced with another, similar situation, we can say, "I go forward confident, because God carried me through worse." But we still struggle, we still choke on those important moments, but not if we have prepared. We won't, not if we are seeking out, and looking for opportunity and purpose.

Forward I go.