Sunday, February 5, 2012
Agony
Agony. To be in a state of mental or physical anguish. Intense pain and suffering. Agony can exist in the heart, the mind, and the body. It is terrible, and horrific. You feel alone, without any escape. People sometimes try and say it isn't as bad as it could be, or they've suffered worse. Your heart sinks, cause its the worse YOU'VE ever suffered, can't they understand that?
I write this, not having passed through, but while in agony. Agony of my soul and mind, which is leading to suffering in my body. This agony, is of addiction, but not from indulgence. Quitting... Quitting an addiction is like tearing off a finger, or a limb. It has been with you so long it is a part of you. I've walked away from it, but it chases me.
I'm out of breath, it catches me and tries to seduce me. It demands my attention, my focus, and it reminds me of the pleasure. How much I long for it, how we can help each other, how it will complete me. I still deny it, and it becomes angry. It roars and claws at my heart and soul, trying to crush me, force me, it reminds me that I've failed time and again.
I roar back, clenched fists and rage. The mental withdraw causing my head to pound, and the physical reactions causing me to shake. I want to pound my head into a wall, and tear off my skin. This is what we hide on Sunday's, this is the reality of denying yourself and choosing to not fall away.
You beg for escape, relief, anything to get away. You grow discouraged and heart broken. You feel like a failure all the time.... Sometimes I just throw my hands up and give up.
But that sense of failure, the guilt, the shame, that pounding overwhelming sense of dread and crushing despair is all LIES! They are lies, Satan and his minions twisting you and me. Evil trying to tie up our focus and abilities so we know nothing but our own suffering. I know... There has to be an escape. God promised that there is no temptation we cannot resist if we surrender to Him.
God has given me his Spirit, and a guide, and brothers and sisters to help me escape, and fight back. I'm not alone, God stands before me and behind me. I'm exhausted...but I have to ask God for strength.
Run. Fight. Surrender to God alone.
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Romans 8:1- 8
ReplyDelete1 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life [a]in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 3 For what the Law could not do, [b]weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of [c]sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, 7 because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, 8 and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
James 5:16-18
Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective [o]prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months. Then he prayed again, and the sky poured rain and the earth produced its fruit.
I am praying for you, my dear friend, that you would know and experience the freedom that Christ has given you. You are free. Consider the joy set before you: forever with Christ, free from sin, free from failure. Consider this joy, and endure. It is not void, it is NOT EMPTY, IT IS NOT WORTHLESS!! It is full of purpose, and produces in you perfect character which is pleasing to God. Be encouraged, you are not alone!
1 Peter 5:6-10
ReplyDelete6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, 7 casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 8 Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. 10 After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.
"knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world."
I know its agony. I know it's the worst thing you've ever felt. But DON'T EVER BELIEVE YOU ARE SUFFERING THESE THINGS ALONE! You are NEVER ALONE! And even Christ was tempted in all things, and overcame so that we could overcome with Him.