Friends

Among the wild maelstrom that is my mind at the moment one idea is full and complete enough for me to as Dumbledore would use the Pensive to clear his mind of excess thoughts.
I realized tonight...and over the past few weeks, that I'm really rather horrible at showing people how much I care about them.
The more I care and the closer I feel that I get to people the more...awkward and idiotic I become around them. I question things I say, worry about things I do. It gets so bad that I end up shutting down, and seeming detached and distant because... I simply can't express myself. People that I love, and I don't say that lightly, really can't know how I really feel. I can't find ways to express it in ways that are not awkward...or just strange. I feel deeply and passionately about my friends...and deep and passionate things about people other then your mate are awkward.
I read old books, and the way they talk about their friends and the companionship expressed between people is so...deep and different, and the way I would love to express myself... "born in the wrong time" as some people like to say. But I was born here, and now, and God has a plan.
I don't know why I am this way, but I trust God has a plan for it, and that I will learn ways to express myself or get over my fear of showing it.
Onward I go...